on life as a breadwinner

I was 13 years old when I left home away from my parents because they could not afford to send me to high school. We are 6 siblings of the family and I am the second child. A kind hearted family took me to the City, I worked with them as an assistant secretary for their canned/frozen business and I was studying at the same time in the afternoon. 

When I finished on my first year in high school , my mother asked me a favor to stop schooling because she wanted me to help my elder sister to pay for her tuition fees(she was in the private school and I was a working student. Because I pitied for my mother, so, I stopped schooling and since then the family where I worked with gave me a monthly salary. Actually, they didn’t agree with my decision but they cannot do anything about it. I stopped for a year and helped my parents. I used to give my money to my mother when she came to the City every end of the month. Then, I went back to school but I was working as a fish vendor in a big supermarket in Bankerohan. (My mother’s nephew has a stall). I woke up 4 o’clock in the morning until 12 o’clock in the afternoon because I need to be in school at 1 o’clock PM. A lady in the market asked me if I could tutor her 5 yrs old son, so she hired me. It was very convenient to me too because it was nearby my school. However after a few months, a tragedy happened. Her brother got a motor accident and died. She needs to go back to her province to look after her parents business as well as the health of her parents. I have nowhere to go at those times. Either to go back in my hometown or just stay there in the City. I preferred to stay in the City and finish my high school there. 

So, since my sister stayed in the boarding house, I asked my mother if I could stay as well. I stayed there and a few months the nephew of my father asked me to work with their gambling business. I went out in the middle of the night just to collect the money of their agents. It was a very dangerous job. Somebody could stab or rape me if they know that I'm carrying plenty of money. Sometimes I hided it somewhere in my lingerie's….Anyhow, I survived and still alive now. 

One day the niece of my father, asked me to stay with them and help her with the business .  (gambling, lending). Because I was paying the rent of my boarding house and buy my own food. I accepted the offer to save even a little bit of money and also for my safety.  I don’t need to go out for collection anymore. I was with them for about six years more or less… I had to do all household work and I got only 300PHP for 2 years. Nevertheless I never complaint because I’m free; free food and a house to stay in. When I finished high school, I thought I couldn’t get into collage. Another niece of my father worked in an appliance center as a Sale Supervisor; she hired me as her private secretary, to assist all her agents and customer. It was a very good experienced at my young age. I got an opportunity to enrolled collage, had afternoon class but I still work where I stayed. I have to wake up very early in the morning; cook the breakfast and prepare everything for the children before I go to my secretarial job at 8 0'Clock in the morning.  Go to school in the afternoon and went home in the evening and soak the laundry. Ang hirap nga noon, wala nman washing machine , so mag handwashed ako. I worked hard para libre lang ako bahay at pagkain. I didn’t get any allowances from them after those 2 years. I was working for free because I ate the food, I used water and electricity and I had a bed to sleep…. I cried sometimes, at my young age I experienced such sacrificed because my parents cannot afford to send me in school…

I worked in a food chain after I left my secretarial job because she was very ill and she can’t reach the sales quota of the company. I enjoyed so much working at the food chain (Jollibee, Texas chicken, MacDonald). Working, studying at the same time doing household work where I stayed. It was really difficult. But I have patience to survive. Unfortunately in the middle of my college studies I had to stop again due to the health of my sister. Her medication was very expensive. I have again to sacrifice my study and after a year my mother got an operation. My father is weak of problems and since my mother was ill at those times I should be strong because my sister wasn’t well enough… I didn’t know where to run for the money. Luckily, my co-crew lent me some money for the operation of my mother.

As my teenage life, I couldn’t remember that I had a lovely time like any other teenagers. I worked hard for myself and for my family honestly….I finished my degree and right after I found a job but because I want to help my brother and sister to go university/collages, I left my job and went abroad..The time I’m here my first priority is my family. I work here to give them a better life..It is a great happiness to me that they are happy for the money send to them. A simple thank you that I could hear from them is very flattering…but sometimes I want to give up. How could I chase from it??? Is it really my obligation which the fact I still got a parent. Is it really the sense of obligation that cannot be neglected for personal pursuits???? What is it???Do I need to consider them in every decision I make???What about me??? Until when? Why me??? Why they cannot ask from my other sisters, why I carry the burden all the time??? I don’t have an answer of those questions. Is it a right decision to get married and left the responsibility and obligation I have now? Help me God…