on who I am now (04-11-09)

This post I took from my friendster blogs. I didn't updates my  blog there so I decided to transfer some of my post here.

This post was written last year just one day after my 31st birthday. April 11, 2009

“Everyone says ‘Don’t look down,’ but I did look down,

at where I’ve been, how far I’ve come, how high I’ve climbed.

Where I thought I’d made a single trail in the snow, I’ve made a thousand,

blighted by debris, the bits of me I’ve left behind.”

When I read this specific words, it was one of those moments where I realized I've just read the exact thing I want to write or to say. It so perfectly describe what I've been feeling lately. And, really, isn’t that how everyone should look after their lives. whether you’re twenty five, thirty or thirty one? Realizing that you haven't walked life that far unseen or unimportant?It is absolutely true, no matter how boring or average your life may seem at any given moment.

Twenty four years ago, I give up my so called career but life  change. I don’t know if it’s for the better. Before as I understood about life was very shallow. Though i’ve been a lot of hardships and sacrifices. Though i’ve meet people whom I thought they  we’re friends and they could help me. INFACT, they we’re those persons who push me down.

When i remember those days’ I wanted to smile and cry at the same time, actually I did hehehe!!! para nga akong baliw eh!!! Hindi ko alam kung until now they are still there following the stories of my life..wahahahaha!!! Di nman ako famous!!!Actually, I just mentioned it. It is always my moments when I felt sad and upset. Always looking back where I've been is part of me. And those times are my stepping stone of what I am now.

Being a tough and a strong willed girl is my achievement. I won’t put any nonsense things. And, I think I grown in the last 6 years or so and although I'm quiet proud is some respects. I’m also dissapointed in myself too, im not the worst person I know but I guess I’ve change an age where i actually have things, i’d go back and change if I had a chance and I don't think I like that very much.

Anyway, slip back into memories of when I was working hard at my very young age, not really sheltered with my parents. The fact that at the age of thirteen i wasn’t with my parents. I lived very far from them. I became independent and stand my own ways. And I made few mistakes along my way. But there are certainly decisions I wish I could change, stupid things i’ve done where doing the right thing should have been the easier choice. But somehow, I have my own reasons.

NOW, I'm here, and here’s the things, my employer told me I’m very hard on my self. I’m very ohhhhh that was she says, :):):) a determine young lady. Kung dati i can’t wear a 1 piece swimsuit and walk to the crowd of people in the beach now, i could do it. hehehe!!! I gain more self confident. As I knew I always a quiet and shy girl but now I could tell everybody what I want to say. But I am diplomatic, I know when and where I should say it.

A month ago, my sister opened a small dress shop with my help. And doing quiet well. Yesterday, I received a message from my sister in America that she passed the RN exam there in California. Was a lovely birthday gift for me. Though my family wasn’t with me on friday (April 10) but I had a lovely dinner with cousin and Sarah. My previous employer sent their warm wishes for me on my birthday and sent me some present. I’ve been part of that family and ’till now I’m still with their hearts. And for me they are always remembered.

Thirty one years and lived as a single I enjoyed it very much. Though I have plans settling down but there are still unfinish project that I promise to render it for my self.

My birthday was over and I made up some few decisions. I will go home, maybe back to school and study nursing if my sister will help me. And I promise I will more positive about the world around me. I will give my self a credit for all I have accomplished even it’s only small thing and more credit of all i presently doing. May GOD help me….

I am who I am