Thursday, July 16, 2009

Evaluating myself and my relationship

I keep thinking where I gone wrong? All I know I tried to give the best I can but it seems it's not enough for him. Perhaps, something wrong with me or because we are miles away from each other. Sometimes he felt that I am unreachable, I am too strong which in fact I have nothing to show off. With the experiences I had I grew to handle relationship. I listen and take advices and applied it to my self.

When I was 28 years old, I had also a long distance relationship. He was working as a sailor, so we only talked once in a month or 45 days. It was hard for me but the relationship last almost 2 years then suddenly he was gone. All I've heard that he was married. I am certainly sure that we are not meant to be after all.

I left home when I was 13 years old and stand with my own and makes decision. I don't know of being so independent at a very young age is helpful? I became so though, domineering and a bossy character. I don't want to be like this but I grew up like with nobody I can count on , only myself. I don't even know who's to blame. Can I blame my parents? No idea.

Perhaps, looking for a partner it's very hard for me. Hard to adjust everything that I used to do and make. They said, in a relationship, "you have to give more , more than you receive" and it's not my cup of tea. But on the other hand I want somebody who cares, make decision, support and comfort me. I want them to pamper me because which I never get when I was a child/teenager..

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